Int. Living Room - Day
Five women are sitting around a coffee table.
Woman #1
Now that Elaine has moved to Nashville, we will need to vote for a new Book Club President. Everyone have a pen and piece of paper? Good, then write who you want for president, and don’t vote for yourself.
The women each write down a name, fold their papers, and place them into a glass vase.
Woman #1 (con’t)
Alright, here we go! The first name is Francine! That’s me, thank you so much!
The women smile and nod.
Woman #1 (con’t)
And the second name… Kurt Russell?
The women smile and giggle.
Woman #1 (con’t)
O.K., I see someone didn’t take this seriously. We can only vote for people who are in the club. The next name…Kurt Russell again?!?! Come on, ladies!
Woman #2
He’s just so handsome! And I bet he has a lot to say about books.
Woman #3
Absolutely. I read an interview with him and he said his favorite book is One Hundred Years of Solitude. Isn’t that just wonderful!
All the women nod and murmur agreement.
Woman #1
It doesn’t matter! He is not a member of the group so he can’t be president. Let’s continue. The next vote is for… Snake Plissken. Come on! I don’t even know who that is!
Woman #4
He’s the character Kurt plays in Escape From New York and for your information, he is one of the most badass characters in the history of movies.
All the women nod and loudly agree.
Woman #1
None of these votes count! Despite his possible qualifications, do you really think he would be willing to be the president of a WOMAN’S Book Club in Lancaster, Pennsylvania?
Woman #5
Well, it wouldn’t hurt to ask him.
Woman #1
So I guess you also voted for Kurt Russell.
Woman #5
I voted for R.J. MacReady.
Woman #1
And is that a Kurt Russell character?
Woman #5 (sheepishly)
…Yes.
Woman #1
Alright, fine. You know what? Only the votes for current members will count. And since there is only one and it was for me, that makes me the new president.
Woman #2
But we all voted for Kurt Russell, so that means you voted for yourself! That was not allowed, so that vote should also be invalid.
Woman #3
Yea, I would have voted for myself if it was allowed.
Woman #1
You couldn’t vote for yourself, so your second option was Kurt Russell?
Woman #4
Don’t judge her. Technically you are the weird one who didn’t vote for Kurt Russell.
Woman #1
This is some kind of trick. Did you all agree to vote for Kurt Russell just to mess with me?
Woman #5
No, we just all really, really love Kurt Russell.
Woman #1
Well I am at a loss. I guess we should re-vote.
Woman #2
All in favor of making Kurt Russell a member of the book club?
All the women except Woman #1 raise their hand.
Woman #2 (con’t)
There. Kurt Russell is now a member. Which means the vote stands as it is.
Woman #1
You can’t do this! It’s not fair! I want to be president.
Woman #3
Well you should have campaigned harder.
The doorbell rings. Woman #2 gets up to answer it. It’s Kurt Russell dressed as Jack Burton, his character from Big Trouble in Little China.
Kurt Russell
Did you little ladies call for a president?
Women #2-#5 scream like star-struck little girls.
Woman #1
He is pretty dreamy.
BLACKOUT.
