Announcer (V.O.)
Recently, a popular museum exhibit called “Mummies of the World” has been making its way across the United States. It is being advertised as the largest collection of mummies ever assembled and no expert has ever had cause to doubt such a claim. That is, until now. On a recent digging expedition in Egypt’s Fertile Crescent region, a team of archaeologists has uncovered a series of ancient tablets that seem to detail a meeting amongst an untold number of preserved human remains. These minutes not only provide evidence of a larger assemblage of mummies but also, and perhaps even more disturbing, they shed a harrowing light on the mythology of mummies rising from the tomb. We have created here a dramatic representation of these minutes and present them to you now.
Int. Tomb - Night
A collection of 50+ mummies is assembled in the tomb. One of them steps forward.
Leader Mummy
I call to order this monthly meeting of the International Mummies’ Union. Mummy Secretary, has role been taken and do we have quorum?
Secretary Mummy
Yes, we have established quorum.
Leader Mummy
Very good. I’d like to start off this meeting with a report from our Treasurer Mummy.
Treasurer Mummy
Thank you. I am happy to report that last month’s rummage sale was a smashing success. I’d like to especially point out the efforts of Ramses II’s wife Beatrice for raising nearly $400 at her cursed monkey paw booth. With the addition of this money, we are just $1,200 off our capital campaign goal.
General moans of appreciation from the crowd.
Leader Mummy
Thank you, Treasurer. We will now hear from our Public Relations Mummy.
Public Relations Mummy
Thank you. Well, the public’s view of us is still pretty terrible. Take a look at the results from this recent poll.
Public Relations Mummy produces a bar graph on an easel and a pointer.
Public Relations Mummy (con’t)
You’ll see here, 98% of the people we polled still believe that we will curse them if they don’t offer us tributes every year. A second poll shows that 86% of people think that our shambling is super creepy, while the other 14% just find it regularly creepy. And this third poll shows that 67% of the public still think we will try to steal their babies under cover of darkness.
Crowd Mummy #1
They wouldn’t have to worry about that if it wasn’t for Larry!
The Mummy Crowd harumph and moan in a displeased way.
Larry Mummy
Hey, c’mon. It was just that one time!
Crowd Mummy #2
All it takes is one time! That’s how stereotypes like these get started.
Larry Mummy
Well how can you blame me? We’re mummies for Ra’s sake! We have crazy awesome supernatural powers. The living should be serving us hand and foot.
Crowd Mummy #3
You’re actions our negatively effecting everyone else!
Moans and grumbles galore.
Leader Mummy
Order! Order! This will not become a mummy hunt. We have to move on from the past. Now Public Relations Mummy, what do you propose we do to fix this?
Public Relations Mummy
Well, I think we should continue on with what we have been doing: leaving small piles of bones on every doorstep in town.
Crowd Mummy #5
Bones are like gold for mummies!
Public Relations Mummy
That’s right. I think soon the humans will realize that this is an offering of peace and not an ominous sign of doom. In the meantime, try to keep your moaning to a minimum, especially at night, and go shambling only on the most deserted alleyways. Out of sight, out of mind until this whole baby-stealing thing blows over.
Leader Mummy
Wise words, thank you. Before we move on to old business, does anyone else have anything to report?
Larry Mummy
The humans should perish at our hand!
Crowd Mummy #6
Be quiet, you! If this continues, they’ll start removing our brains when they mummify us! Then we’ll all be in deep shit!
The Mummy Crowd starts moaning and pushing each other around. Things are getting heated.
Leader Mummy
Order! Order!
Fadeout to exterior of tomb. Moans can be heard permeating the night.
Announcer (V.O.)
The tablets end here. While the veracity of these ancient texts has yet to be determined, the fact remains that the Mummies of the World exhibit can no longer definitively claim to be the largest collection of mummies ever assembled. Thank you for watching this presentation.
END.
